How Do You Fight?

Tips and advice on how to answer the Disagreement Supp Prompt

Although it’s tempting, I’m not going into the loaded politics behind the new flurry of supplemental essay prompts that want to know how you handle conflict. They are called the Disagreement supp prompts.

(Okay if you really want to know: It has to do with the political fallout after our Supreme Court ruled in 2023 that universities and colleges could no longer use race as a basis for their admissions decisions. This is a complicated subject and you’re free to delve into it using Google or AI.)

The good news for you, college-bound students, is that you don’t need to understand the reason these Disagreement supp prompts are showing up on admissions applications, including schools like Harvard, Yale, Boston College and Duke.

But if you need to answer one of them, you should spend time crafting a well-considered and well-crafted response.

Politics aside, a prompt that asks you to show how you handle yourself when faced with someone you disagree with is a great one.

If written well, it can reveal how you handle adversity. And also what skills, values and personal qualities you use in the process.

No matter why, it’s great that colleges care and want to see how you get along with other people—especially those who don’t share your opinions, beliefs or values.

This real-life skill set will not only help you thrive during your college years, but become even more important once you enter the workforce and venture into more serious relationships and commitments.

It’s part of being emotionally intelligent.

Here are some tips on finding a strong disagreement story for your disagreement supp:

Start by finding a past conflict. Look for one that had high stakes, in that you potentially had a lot to lose. Choose a time you got into some type of argument, debate or confrontation, ideally one where something happened. (You can start your essay sharing this moment.)

Find one where you took a position. Don’t stay neutral and general. This is not about winning the argument necessarily; what’s more important is HOW you held your ground. And then how you were able to see and evaluate yourself in action.

Make sure to represent your opponent or adversary with respect. Show yourself staying open-minded and logical, as opposed to angry or arrogant (it’s okay if you had to manage some negative emotions, but make sure they didn’t get the best of you).

End with reflecting on the interaction and examining what you learned from it—about yourself, about others and about life in general. You didn’t have to win the debate or completely resolve the conflict. It’s more about how you managed it. You don’t need to show this experience fundamentally changed you somehow; it’s more likely it shifted your thinking or helped you refine your own beliefs or values. Share how and why. And most importantly, why this mattered.

Look for conflicts outside your academic life. I wouldn’t use one from your debate team or about a topic involving your school (unless it’s really interesting or unique). Avoid stereotypical debates over politics—like do you hate or love Trump, or do you stand with Palestine or Israel. Trust that everyday conflicts can make the best topics, since they usually represent a larger issue. Conflicts with peers or family members are ideal since they will be highly personal—which is always great for any of these essays.

So those are some ideas on finding a juicy conflict for your disagreement supp.

Now here are some ideas on how to structure your essay:

Start by describing the conflict. No need to give a lot of background—just what it was about, who was involved and where it happened. Maybe include a snippet of dialogue that captures the essence of the conflict. “I don’t think you should ever come over to my house again,” my friend told me. Keep this as succinct as possible, like a couple of sentences. Don’t let the whole essay become a description of the conflict.

Then shift into how this conflict made you feel in that moment (this makes it feel highly personal and shows your level of concern or passion). Quickly go into how you made your case, and share the counterpoints from your opponent as well. Make sure to give your opponent enough credit so the debate stays viable and interesting.

Now step away and look back on that interaction. Reflect on how you handled it, what qualities or skills you used, and how it ended. What did you learn from this exchange? Did you win or lose—did it matter? Did you surprise yourself in any way? Did you shift your thinking or perspective? Are you conflict-averse and need to learn to assert yourself better, or are you argumentative by nature and need to learn to be more measured and less rigid?

End by talking about what you learned and how you envision using these lessons in your future, in college and beyond. Remember, you can even lose the argument and still end up the winner—all depending on how you handled yourself.

The disagreement supp is my new favorite. You will be lucky if you have to answer it. Use it as your chance to show not only how smart you are, but also that you know how to get along with even the most challenging people.

It’s called grace under fire.

We all need more of that these days.

Good luck!